Just A House Now

I walked away from your house today for the very last time. We cleared away all of your things and, piece by piece, you disappeared from these empty rooms. I locked the door behind me on this hollow house, no more a home, and through the tears, I turned my face to the sun.

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Sneak Attack

I went shopping at the oriental store for the first time since you died. It’s been almost a year. I saw you in every little Korean woman shopping there. I made it down the first aisle before the tears spilled and I gasped for breath. Man, I miss you!

A Little Tiny Plan

While I was sick, I had a lot of time to think. I thought about power and the lack of it in my life. I thought about the silence that holds me prisoner with no voice. I thought about the emptiness that has become my life. I thought about how unhealthy I’ve become in an attempt to hide myself.

And a tiny little plan began to percolate in the back of my mind.

So this week, I’ve begun to take control of my life again. Slow, steady steps. I’ve made it to the gym 4 days this week to ride the bike. Nothing fancy but steady. I’ve also started to watch what I’m eating.

But this is about more than weight or food. This is about having control of my own life. After all these years, I am reclaiming my life.

Sick

I’ve been sick since before Thanksgiving. First it was depression, that crippling dark place. And then just as I began to pull myself out, BOOM! Right before Christmas, I came down with a horrible sinus infection and then bronchitis.

There have been many days where I have been laid out on the couch, unable to do much of anything but think. And think I have! I think I have a plan.

Fog

Minutes tick by into hours and still sleep eludes me. 2 AM stares me down, laughing at my pain.

And this pain…it rolls in on me like waves of fog, smothering me in its embrace, clouding my mind. It wraps around my limbs, binding me so tightly that I cannot move.

I’ve been lost in this dark place, the last few weeks a murky blur. I struggle to find some small spark of who I am to hold on to. But the dark claims me.

New bloggers, welcome lets meet and connect!

Reblogging this (I hope!). It’s great to connect to new people, don’t you think?

Therapy Bits

If your a new blogger, or a relatively new blogger, I want to meet you. i want to know what your blog is all about. I want to follow you. so please do comment here with your blog addy, tell me a little about it, and lets connect.

I am excited to do this!

I am excited to meet new people! Please guys, reblog and share this post for me!

I really really would like to connect and grow, meet new bloggers, make new friends, just connect more with more wordpress people!

So come on guys, lets do this!
carol anne

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Whisper From the Past

Today, I accidentally deleted a voice mail. In my non-technologically adept way, I tried to retrieve it and instead, I found an old message from you. I haven’t heard your voice in 8 months. I’ve almost forgotten the sound.

There you were in all your glory telling me that I must not want this cucumber kimchi you made for me since I didn’t answer my phone. I had to laugh through my tears because it was so typically you!

I am so glad I found that message! One day soon, I hope I can listen to it with laughter and without tears!

I love you, mom. I miss you every day.